The Hostel from Hell!

Transcript from the Doctor's Office (and we don't mean Dr. Who, unfortunatley):

Doctor: Well guys, tell me what happened.

Mick: I don't want to... to... I can't talk about--
Gard: Well Doc, see, it was like this (cue flashback music and go to soft focus with actors' recreation). Everything went off without a hitch. our flight was amazing. The flight attendants even gave us bottles of wine because we all had so much fun. I've never had a smoother trip to England. Train was perfect. Nice night. Everything was great! I wasn't even tired after getting only four hours of sleep, at most! But then... Then...
Mick: Then we got to the hostel.
Gard: No. NO! NOOOOO!
Doctor: Please Gardner, sit down. Get back on the couch. Nurse!!!
Gard: The HORROR! THE HORROR! The dark recesses of it as we walked in, the bad graffitti on the walls, the skunky dude on the third floor, looking like he was some kind of troll or fantasy piper unearthed from The Wicker Man! AAAARGH!!! The creaky stairs, the thin walls, the SMELL, the SMELL!
Mick: Smegorama!!!
Gard: It was probably worse than Lister's socks!
Mick: Gard. Stop. No more.
Doctor: No, please, go on.
Mick: What are you, some kind of masochist on a diet?
Doctor: I'm not the one who slept there for a night.
Mick: Doc, that was a reference to Hitchhiker's Guide, if you didn't know. And... Why do you assume I got any sleep?
Doctor: What do you mean?
Gard: Doc, when the guide opened our door (the 'Motown' room, it was labeled), a wall of atmosphere assaulted us like the physical equivilent of a Streisand disc.
Doctor: Oh, my God!
Gard: Yeah, it was like liquid, like we were being submerged in a vat of steaming brine.
Mick: Gard, no more. Please.
Gard: I know, buddy. I know. But...
Mick: Doc, all I want to say is that it was like being in the back of a van smuggling illegal immigrants through the Rio Grande in August.
Doctor: You mean across.
Mick: No. THROUGH. And remember, we're libertarians. Immigration is awesome, and we believe government should get outta the way of peaceful human interaction. But doc! It's the only way I can describe it. Like a van filled with desperate people, all sweating, hot, breathing heavily... The air was a palpable thing, a living creature, a liquid monster that wanted to smother us and suck all that is good and pure and take our lives and honor and make us weep like babies, and...
(sobs)...
Gard: There were eight people in that one small room, all breathing through their mouths, having brought their wet towels into it to perfume the air with that as well! We had to get out. Get out... We had to...
Mick: Doctor, all I can say is I felt like I was drowning...
Doctor: Malcolm. It's okay. I understand you had to get away. And you did. You found a new place the next day. You worked hard, and it's alright now.
Mick: But Doc, the memories.. I can't UN-learn them!
Doctor: I know Mick. But all I have to tell you is...

Rise above, you're gonna rise above.